President Khator finally gives up hope that Jeff will graduate on time

UH student, Jeff Billings, is no where close to "on track" to graduate in four years. It's so bad, even our eternally positive and encouraging president, Renu Khator, has decided to cut her losses and accept that Jeff will be around for a while.

When we asked Jeff his classification, a look of disgust came across his face, and he responded with the vague "Sophomore...ish". After receiving a solid "F" in Thermodynamic I last semester, Jeff decided to switch his major from chemical engineering to geology. "I thought, hey, it's just rocks!" Jeff tells our team here at The Paw.

However, with the deadline to drop with a "W" just around the corner, Jeff is going to have to make a decision about whether or not to stay in his first geology class, where he is currently scraping by with a "C". "Honestly, the only thing I remember from class is when the professor said 'slaty cleavage'. I literally died." he says.

Jeff's lack of conscientiousness has President Khator worried. "Ordinary, I believe that all have the capacity for greatness" Khator told The Paw. "But with Jeff, I'm not so sure. The last year and a half of introspection on his part has turned up very little by way of discernible interest or skill. Maybe it's time for me to just wash my hands of this one."

There's a chance Jeff can still turn things around, but he's definitely an underdog at this point. If we had to put money on it, we'd say Jeff will be here until he has pieced together enough odd classes to create a Frankenstein's-monster-of-a-degree (such as Liberal Studies), or else he'll drop out when his parents' money dries up.

For The Paw, this is Erik Weisz.