Bauer Student Can't Wait to Graduate "So I can buy one of those leather flippy phone cases"

In an interview with The Paw, Cody Baker (Senior, Entrepreneurship) sits down with us to discuss his plans post-graduation. "Well the first think I'm gonna do is go to Best Buy or something and buy one of those leather flippy phone cases. That way people know I graduated college and am now a businessman," Baker tells our reporter.

"I can't wait for people to hear the 'flip flop flip flop' of me being a businessman and opening my phone to do business and businessly activities."

When asked why he is waiting for graduation to purchase such a phone case, Cody shrugs, "It just feels like an unwritten rule, I guess." After conducting a more in-depth investigation, however, The Paw discovered that these rules are not unwritten.

They are very much written....

Deep in the steamy bowels of Melcher Hall, our reporter uncovered 'metric shittons' of ancient tomes, outlining the once thought 'unwritten' rules of Bauer students. Each seemingly more specific than the last, The Paw discovered rules about "smoking in thine semicircle patio area" and how to "prevent one's Starbuck's Mocha Frappucino from spilling on thee's tie and or pantsuit".

Most notably, however, was a large scroll shrouded in dust with surprisingly strict rules about the purchasing of phone cases. A verse in this tome read:

"(11) For this is mine will, said Sanctrionious. That no owner of a flippy leather phone case be younger than 23 or not yet graduated from business school. (12) The businesspeople rejoiced in the light and wisdom of Sanctrionious, for they listened and knew Her words were true." The Book of Flipalim 15:11-12

 For the Paw, this is Pawdaddy.